peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The uberlube is also flammable
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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