is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
