My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
