My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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