This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
