they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
