Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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