I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Im part way to drunk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
