Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
