he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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