Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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