She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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