Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
