The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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