Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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