dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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