Can i not drive my cunt home
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
