I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
