I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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