Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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