too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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