Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
