he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
