My first STD was from a foam party
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
3 2 1 whiskey
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
