my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
