GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
