I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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