i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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