Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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