So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
