Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
