I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
