If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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