Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
