She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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