FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
