I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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