I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
