Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
