Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
