he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
