after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
