I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just invented taco cereal.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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