hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
