for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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