Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
