peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
