My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just pee around me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
