hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
