his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I came so hard my ears popped.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
