when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
