hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
